Scars
by sigmakutie
Summary: Do you know how hard I tried to become what you want me to be? Rachel has tried to earn their respect, but if they just won't except her, flaws and all, them she'll just have to move on. Rachel-centric drabble/song fic


Scars

_Did I say something stupid?  
There goes one more mistake  
_

Rachel didn't understand why she said and did some things. It's like she just doesn't have a filter when it comes to something that threatens her. Like that Sunshine girl, she didn't understand why she had to send her to a _crack house_. She could have just as easily let her audition and used her pull with Mr. Schuester to not let her in, or, if that didn't happen, just showed her up. And maybe, if she couldn't have done either of those things, just maybe she could have learned to like Sunshine. She _looked_ like a nice enough girl. And, maybe, she wouldn't mind sharing some solos with her; she learned to do so with Kurt, why not with her. But, she did, and now she's lost her friends, the respect of her teacher and mentor, and possibly her boyfriend.

_Do I bore you with my problems?  
Is that why you turn away?_

Why? That's the only question Rachel has for the group. Why? Why did they always ignore her? She has problems too. But they ignore them. When Kurt's father was in the hospital, she felt bad for him, they all did. But he pushed them all away. Did any of them care when she found out that her _birth mother_ was the competition's vocal coach? That her mother adopted Quinn's baby to _replace her_? No! They all ignored her hurt feelings and tears, moving on to whatever other event they could. No one cared, possibly, not even Finn, who claimed he loved her.

_Do you know how hard I tried  
To become what you want me to be?  
_

So she tries to change. She tries to be different, just to please them. But it doesn't work. Still, they hate her; and still, they ignore her; and still, they just don't care.

_You say don't act like a child  
But what if it's a father I need?_

Mr. Schue called Rachel into his office the day she wore that Britney Spears-esque outfit. She honestly didn't understand why he always wanted to talk to her, usually it was about song choices, but you never know. That man is as unpredictable as a storm. He says just what Finn said to her earlier. "This isn't you" and "Stop acting like a child", but honestly, she is a child. As much as she doesn't want to show it and act mature, she is only 16 years old. And she might have two dads, but that doesn't mean that she has a father figure!

_Its not like you don't know what you got yourself into  
Don't tell me I'm the one who's naïve_

If Finn had just told Rachel the truth they could have avoided all of this. Had he just told Rachel that he lost his virginity to Santana when she asked him last year, they could have avoided this spat. They might have even been able to work it out. She could have gotten over it. But because he didn't tell her it all came out at Brittany's Halloween Party. Santana got a bit tipsy and asked Finn, drunkenly if he had gotten more practice since last time. Of course Rachel asked what she meant, which just made Santana giggle and hiccup. "You mean you haven't told her? Oh, you bad boy!" Santana slapped Finn's chest and Finn just covered his face with his hands, knowing he couldn't stop it. "He and I did the deed, Ray-Ray!" Santana just laughed, "Haven't you?" Rachel looked up at Finn with tears in her eyes, and ran away; calling him things she never thought would come out of her mouth. She pushed through the crowd, not even bothering to hold in her tears until she made it out of the house and halfway down the block. When she made it onto the sidewalk she began to walk faster, but she broke her heel from the awkward steps she was taking on her wobbling legs. She took off her shoes and began running until she ran out of breath. She couldn't catch her breath so she just sat down on the sidewalk and began bawling, unable to control herself. Out of the corner of her eye she noticed headlights coming toward her, the car stopped and Finn poked his head out of his Volvo.

"Rachel, please, come on. Get in the car. You're walking barefoot and it's October. You're gonna freeze."

"Get away from me, Finn!" She screamed, pushing herself off the cold pavement and began walking. She heard him curse and then began to slowly drive the car toward her.

"Please, Rach. I love you. I'm sorry!"

"How can I trust you now? You lied to me! Twice! At least I told you Jesse and I didn't actually do it, but when I asked you, for the second time, you still said no!" She began walking faster, "Leave me alone, Finn. I don't ever want you to talk to me again unless we are _forced_ to!"

Finn yelled out a "FINE!" and turned the car around, leaving her to walk the last five blocks on her own.

_Do you know how hard I've tried  
To become who you want me to be?_

When Rachel walked into Glee on Monday everyone got very silent. When Mr. Schue began the lesson, Finn interrupted him with an "I have something to share." Mr. Schue gave him the stage and the intro to "Sorry" by Buckcherry began. Rachel didn't even let Finn get through the first verse before she just got up and left, not bothering to grab her stuff, she would just get it before lunch. She ignored the fact that everyone said she was over reacting, or that it was rude of her to get up and leave like that. If everyone else was allowed to be mad at her for days for a forgivable mistake, then she was allowed to be mad at him for an unforgivable one. When she went to get her stuff from the chorus room, she bumped into Puck on the way in. He was holding onto her stuff. "I was just about to find you to give this to you." He said meekly, something she never thought would happen. She thanked him and turned to walk away. She pretended not to hear the "Finn's an asshole" coming from Puck.

_Come on, just let it go  
These are things you can't control  
Your expectations, your explanations  
Don't make sense to me  
You and your alternatives  
Don't send me to your therapists  
Deep down, I know what you mean  
And I'm not sure that's what I wanna be  
No  
_

That Wednesday, her fathers told her that they got job offers in New York. They wanted to know what her opinion was and if they should take them. Rachel didn't have to think about it. "Take it," she said simply. Her fathers tried to argue that perhaps she should think on it for a few days but Rachel only went into the living room to grab her lap top and brought it back into the dining room to look up condos and apartments with them and to look at the surrounding schools. Her fathers didn't try to argue any more, it was no use. Rachel had made up her mind and she wanted to move. It didn't take long to narrow the search to a few townhouses and condos in Chelsea, there were a few that stood out, especially the ones within walking distance of the humanities High School.

_Take me  
This is all that I've got  
This is all that I'm not  
All that I'll ever be  
I've got flaws, I've got faults  
Keep searching for your perfect heart  
It doesn't matter who you are  
We all have our scars  
We all have our scars  
Oh no, no, no  
_

So, now, as she's singing this song in front of the class, she's conveying all of her emotions. She doesn't care anymore. She doesn't care what they think of her, or that they ignore her, or that they break her heart, or think she's a child, or want her to just go away. She doesn't care because as soon as she finishes this song she's quitting and she's moving to New York with her fathers where she'll be one step closer to becoming a star and showing them all up. Let's see just how far they'll make it without her to bring them back up.

_Did I say something stupid?  
There goes one more mistake…._

Around her birthday she finds a message on the answering machine from Puck. He told her that, after she left they had to disband Glee because they didn't have enough members and everything went back to the way it was before. Finn and Quinn got back together, Artie and Tina got back together after Mike became embarrassed of her, Mercedes and Kurt were still friends, and only the original six members of Glee, minus her and Finn, of course, really stayed friends. But then he told her that, when she left, the club didn't even blink, and he got pissed. He yelled at all of them, saying they all took her for granted, that she was the only decent person in Glee, and that she was holding the club up on her shoulders. He told her that, because of them, and because they made her leave, he never got the chance to say that he really wanted to be with her. Rachel had never regretted leaving until she had heard that message on her answering machine.

**SONG**** – "Scars" by Allison Iraheta**

**A/N**** – I hope you guys enjoyed! Please R&R (That's Rate and Review for all you noobies. You guys are so cute!)**

**Now I just wanna touch on some subjects.**

**First, is Rachel ever going to find out that Finn lost his V-card to Satan – I mean Santana (JK, I love Santana), 'cause that is like a **_**huge**_** secret just **_**looming**_** over their relationship and we haven't heard anything about it since it happened. Plus, he totally lied about it to her when she asked him. If you ask me RM needs to touch on that (I need mah closer!) so that Finchel can break up! (Puckelberry yay! Team Juicy Fruit FOREVER! Ps. I made up "TEAM JUICY FRIUT", so I'm hoping that'll catch on… anytime now….)**

**Second, all the people that are about to comment saying "But Rachel is 17 now, not 16!" STOP RIGHT THERE! Rachel is, in fact, 16 at this point. She doesn't turn 17 until December 19. If you don't believe me, go look it up in "Dream On" (1x19)**


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